I didn't shave. On purpose
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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