Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
wanna go halves on a baby?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
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