Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
