ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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