Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
