can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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