I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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