Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
