She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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