so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
