I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
