Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
