Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
