I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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