i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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