Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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