i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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