i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
