I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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