OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
