If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
