i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
