I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
