I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
