It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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