When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
