That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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