you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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