some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
