Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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