So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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