So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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