just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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