Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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