In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I came so hard my ears popped.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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