i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
