I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize