Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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