ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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