we're chasing vodka with high fives
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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