He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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