I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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