i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
