If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
