Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
