I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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