I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
