i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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