we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
