go do what you do best...puke behind churches
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
