It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
