I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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