i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
