Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
