some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
