You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
