i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
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You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize