i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
