I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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