in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
