He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
