Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize