Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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